Goodbyes

That little word can mean so much to some and so little to the other. It gives me a mini heartbreak every time I hear those little words, goodbyes. Because goodbye means that you are stopping whatever it is that you are having now, be it good or bad. Goodbyes, how do I put in words to show you how much it affects me. Well yes, it affects me in so many ways. How do I say goodbye to that someone that I love dearly, and move on with my life when I know how it affects him as much as it affects me. 

No, I couldn't bear the pain I feel inside when I say goodbye to someone knowing that he feels the same pain as I do. Not applying to only love relationship here, it can be applied to so many other forms of relationships. I just can't say goodbye to anyone that I have invested so much TLC to. How can some people do that? I always wonder why. I always believe that I never actually forget and get over someone, I just, move on with my life. I never get over. So whoever you are, that I have spent my life with, friends, lovers, best friends,  I don't forget about you. Never. Each and everyone of u will always be in my heart. I just move on with my life. 

To me, goodbyes are just a pathway to a new fresh beginnings. A room to start over. 

Here's to my kind of goodbyes!

I'm the happiest when I'm with you.

Yes, so happy. Only with you, I'm very happy. If this is not love, then what is it?

Mak said, "sometimes, love is not enough. Love is never enough". 

I wonder, maybe this is not what I want. Maybe it is what they want. 

But its for the greater good. Its for my future, the best for my life. 

And then, I will think back. Maybe its the right thing to do. 

But....

Is doing the right thing will keep me happy as much as I'm happy when I'm with you? 

I don't have any of the answers to my questions now. 

In time, I will have the answers. In time. 

After all, time will heal everything. 

Innit?

Our story is just another adaptation from a love song.

"We can make a million promises, But we still won't change. It isn't right to stay together when we only bring each other pain" - Mariah Carey.

"Its the way I'm Feeling, I just can't deny. But I gotta let it go" - Rihanna.

"Now I know what I don't want, I learned that with you" - Feist. 

"Whenever I hear goodbyes, It reminds me baby of you" - The XX

"Its you, its you, its all for you. Everything I do" - Lana Del Rey

"I want you to know, it doesn't matter. Where we take this road, someone's gotta go. But  I want you to move on, so I'm already gone" - Kelly Clarkson. 

5 years of us. I will miss you so much.

And then it comes again.

I have left this place so long ago. And the only reason I feel like writing again, is because I feel like I need to recollect myself. To get to know me better.

All this while I have lost myself with myself. I have lost track of who I am, people around me who really cares. I was blinded. It is not anyone's fault, but mine. It takes me years to finally realize this. I'm really glad i get to realize it now, at the the tender age of 21 years old. I'm not even 21 yet. Heck, 10 months to go. 

I wanna thank everyone around me who make me who I am right at this moment. My family, my friends, my lovers, my haters, my enemies and most importantly, myself for the past 20 years. 

Epiphany just bitch slapped me hard on the face. Real hard. This is not a wake up call. This is my talian hayat. Better make full use of it Wawa

You got me hanging on a string, honey.

When you look back, do you like what you see?

You should never give yourself a chance to fall apart because, when you do, it becomes a tendency and it happens over and over again. You must practice staying strong, instead.

If you wonder, about the spell I'm under.

When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change :)

I do wonders in my hometown.

Tema raya tahun ni merah. Balik kampung ke Singapura dan Johor Bahru selama 3 hari. Raya 289721 buah rumah tapi duit raya tak sebanyak dulu sebab semua ingat dah kerja! Wey! Belajar lagi la. Ok,lepas ni taknak pakai make-up langsung and taknak bawak handbag. Nak ikat tocang dua. Nampak macam budak-budak sikit. Epp. Jahatnya wawa ni. Orang beraya untuk bermaaf-maafan dan ziarah-menziarahi! BUKAN DUIT RAYA LA WOI. DAH BESAR BERANGAN NAK DUIT RAYA LAGI. 

I'm glad to meet my family again after so long. Well, not so long. Baru 8 bulan. But yeah, bila time raya ni. Emotional lebih.

"Selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin. Ampunkan semua dosa-dosa and salah silap wawa. Lepas ni wawa tak buat lagi. Halalkan makan minum dan semuanya. I love you"

Ni skrip masa sesi salam family. Kadang-kadang salah dialog, ayah and mak akan cakap dan saya ulang balik. Tapi tu dulu la. Sekarang dah expert.

Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri. Maaf zahir & batin semua :)

My baby brother all grown up.

OMG HE'S ONLY 13 AND HE'S ALREADY READY FOR COMMITMENT! I'm so proud of you sayang, but at the same time, I'm shocked!

Eh budak-budak sekarang ni. Pantas betul bercinta.

Even the most innocent can go wild.

Gahh, I can't stop looking at these pictures! PELUKIS NI MEMANG HEBAT! SEP SIKIT! Pandai sangat keep the originality of those innocent,pure Disney characters to these! AWESOME. I'm still in awe with this artwork and I want more, pretty please?

Perhaps Disney should remake their classic fairytales characters to these new oh so dark and sexy ones. Mesti orang tua pun suka, kan? So lepas ni takde lah kawan-kawan gagah I taknak teman I tengok cartoon dekat wayang lagi. Entah-entah diorang yang lebih excited, no?

Ok, nak berangan jadi sexy jap. Bye.

I love it when two worlds collide, metaphorically speaking.

Thinking about our younger years.

Kalau kecik-kecik dulu kumpul duit raya banyak-banyak nak beli rumah Barbie Doll yang besar tu. Yang ada toilet, ada dapur, ada katil. Kadang-kadang disertakan dengan kucing atau puppies. Tapi selalunya I'd choose puppies sebab dalam kehidupan sebenar, tak boleh bela puppies. So yeah, I pilih puppies walaupun saya seorang cat lover. Sangat lah suka kucing ok, sampai nampak kucing kurap tepi jalan pun nak peluk lepastu kena marah dengan kawan-kawan WEY WAWA, KENAPA PENGOTOR SANGAT NI? lepastu I terus pura-pura tak kesah pasal kucing tu. Padahal nak je I bawak balik, bagi makan sampai gemuk macam tuan dia lepastu hantar grooming. Eh, kenapa suka melencong ni?

Back to square one, keinginin kita berubah daripada rumah Barbie Doll (ni metaphor eh. Boys may wanted Hot Wheels track macam abang-abang saya. Tapi eh entah-entah ada juga yang simpan perasaan nak rumah Barbie jugak ke) Moving on.. Like me, when I grew a little bit older after that, I demanded for Barbie cars. Eceh ceh dah budget bergaya nak kereta pulak dia. Bila perasaan terhadap kaum Adam sudah berputik, I asked for Ken and then Kelly the little Barbies (konon-konon lepas kahwin mesti lah nak ada zuriat kan?) or apa abang-abang panggil, Barbie midget. Jahatnya mereka. Padahal jealous, nak main Barbie jugak tu. Then, after years of playing imaginary life with my beloved Barbies, Kens and Kellys I started to look at my sisters, dressed up with pretty clothes and lots of handbags. So mak jadi mangsa kena layan I belikan pakaian macam orang dewasa tapi kat kid's section. Handbag sekali, sebab nak collect duit raya ni. Hehe. Bila dah besar lagi sikit, sebab saya ramai kakak, 5 orang to be exact, I started off reading Cleo way earlier than my peers. Jadi, perasaan nak melawa tu dah lama tersemat di hati tapi Mak n Ayah asked me to act my age. Tapi duit raya dah simpan memang nak beli baju-baju cantik.

After that long period of nak melawa je kerjanya sampai sanggup kumpul duit raya. I don't want any of these anymore. I want beyond these materials. I want something more. Duit raya sekarang pun kalau dapat, dah tak nampak habis dekat mana. Maybe habis masa melepak dengan kawan-kawan tengok wayang, shisha, makan, karaoke and more. Kalau dulu, mesti nak kena beli rumah Barbie complete set! Tak pun set masak-masak yang ada dapur sekali tu. Polly Pokets ke, siapa ingat lagi Polly Pockets? Angkat tangan! hehe. Tiba-tiba excited. Ok so yeah. As people grow older, things they want in life change too. The things that everbody wants may not be the same, but sure it changes over time. Innit? No? Nevermind.

Kalau dulu, nak cheer myself up, senang je. Beli permainan baru. Lepastu main-main masak-masak dengan kakak. Ataupun, main kedai-kedai. Lepastu, dapat jadi cashier terus happy sampai esok! But now, how I wish is that easy to cheer myself up again. Barbie doll house and fancy cars won't put a smile on my face anymore, no, not even Polly Pockets or fancy masak-masak toys. Kan best, kalau benda-benda I used to long for when I was a kid can make me lompat-lompat happily again. How I wish.

Alya Alexandra Bonnifay, I miss you.

Sebab dah rindu sangat dah ni. Dah 8924729 hari ni tak jumpa. Dah balik Malaysia pun taknak jumpa Aunty ke? Ingat hantar postcard dari France ada gambar pantai tu dah memadai ke Alya? No, tidak Alya. I need to smell you, kiss and hug you. I need to hold you and to feel you. To touch that super soft skin of yours. Yes, baru lah memadai.
I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND I NEVER MISSED ANYONE LIKE I MISS YOU. The power of babies, kan? And not just regular babies, but my own niece. Ni baru anak buah, dah gila macam ni. Kalau anak sendiri, macam mana? Macam mana lah orang boleh buang baby kan? Ok dah, suka melencong taw Wawa ni. epp. eppp.

So, here's the story. Alya balik ke kampungnya di St. Sauver, France to meet her Grandma, Grandpa, her half sisters and aunties, uncles, cousins and friends. Dah la pergi untuk 1 bulan dan 5 hari, ok? She's 4 months old now, and I bet she can meniarap already :') I can't wait to meet u baby! OK KORANG SEMUA TENGOK LAH ANAK BUAH SAYA NI DAN SAMA-SAMA LAH RINDU DIA OK?

Tengok tu, comel je Alya tiru style rambut Papa dia. HEHE

Tak faham bahasa Perancis ye. But I know its like macam cukur jambul kita. eleh, nak jugak.

kocik-kocik dah naik flight. 

Alya, please stop making cute poses! You're just too cuteee.

I miss you too, Mak Alya (kakak sulung saya).

OMG. So cuteeeeee. I wanna bite youuuuu!!!!

Alya dan ayah di pantai batu. Pelik kan, kat sini pantai pasir. Pantai batu? Tak best langsung. *dengki*

Alya ada tattoo eh? Bagitahu atuk! *dengki*

Alya sangat hot, dekat pantai pun ada orang nak peluk. Eleh, padahal tu makcik dia.

Adventurous betul her Summer in France  Sekarang nak tidur pulak. Goodnite semua :)

Monster

I may have issues with everything around me when it comes to this time of the month (if you know what I mean). But right now, I HAVE THE BIGGEST ISSUE WITH MY HAIR. Yes, my hair! Ergh. I hate how short, flat and pale it looks. I want my super duper long hair back. :( Moral of the story, don't make decisions when you're mad or when you're not thinking rationally. This is what happened when you did. At least, to me. I decided to cut my hair a little shorter when I was not myself. I was not thinking straight. Well, I was practically emotional. Like, right now. So I cut my hair, 40rgt pulak tu. Kurang ajar punya hair stylist! I told you not to make it nipis!!!

Oh hair, please grow faster. I promise you, I won't cut you again. No, not even a short trim. This I promise you, my hair. Please grow. Growwwwwwwwww.....................

Selamat Hari Jadi

To Qayyum Iskandar Sulaiman

Happy Birthday!

You've been nothing but awesome. xx

And no, he's not my boyfriend. He's my cute little pinky fairy pixie little sister ;P

Its part and parcel of growing up -Iskandar.

Happy Ramadhan Al-Mubarak people! :)

Hope you have a wonderful one, so far. Fasting is doing me good this year, alhamdulillah. Kalau dulu, sahur mesti nak makan nasi, pulun habis-habisan kononnya nak survive sampai maghrib. Tapi sekarang, dah besar kan? Kurma 2 biji dengan susu pun dah cukup. Kalau dulu, tak suka langsung makan kurma. nak telan pun tak boleh terima. Tapi sekarang, kurma is my bestfriend! My daddy must be so proud of me, now. Dulu ayah la orang yang paksa I telan kurma tu. Alasan I tak nak makan kurma sebab rupa macam lipas. Epp, tak senonohnya cakap macam tu Najwa ni. Kan sunah Rasulullah saw makan kurma tu? Takpe lah, what past is past. Ewww, cliche sangat ayat tu. benci.

So, moving on. I nak share tips senang bangun sahur and kekal segar sepanjang time makan sahur ni. I dah try for 6 days of puasa and alhamdulillah, tak rasa lapar sangat pun masa puasa. Kalau ikut tips ni, tak buka pun takpe! ok, dusta. Memang wajib buka, sebab lapar sangat. Ok, apa yang saya buat masa bangun sahur? I lompat je dari katil 2 tingkat ni, mesti I mengerang kesakitan dulu. Ye la, siapa suruh malas sangat taknak guna tangga katil tu? Nak jugak budget Catwoman, lompat-lompat dalam gelap. Dah sakit kaki pagi pagi. Padan muka. Tapi takpe, bila sakit, segar sikit mata. Tapi jangan mencarut taw, ni kan bulan puasa. Mengerang je, tapi jangan mencarut. Lepas lompat, turned on the lights sebanyak and seterang yang boleh. This way, mesti mata terbuka luas terus. Before you pergi kumuh mulut, minum air kosong segelas dulu. INGAT TAW, JANGAN BASU MULUT TU. MINUM JE AIR TERUS! this will help you to have better digestion during Ramadhan. Takde lah constipation or diarrhea lagi. After that, masuk toilet, !*@^)@&!& buat la apa-apa yang patut then terus basuh muka dengan air sejuk. Mesti by this monent, anda akan lebih bertenaga! Ok, lepastu, minum plain water segelas lagi. al maklumlah, adalah sangat penting untuk replenish your body with lots and lots of plain water. No, bukan air sirap or Coke ok? Plain water je, period. Next, kunyah 2 biji kurma slow-slow sambil minum susu. Nyum nyum. Perfect combination! Sedap sangat! Lepas dah makan tu, minum lagi plain water then pergi lah solat subuh :) InsyaAllah, anda akan bertenaga macam saya sepanjang berpuasa tu! Ok, sangat lah tipu. I lah orang paling kuat merengek kalau puasa sampai kawan-kawan pun tension. T_T Sorry kawan-kawan, esok tak merengek lagi dah.


Weekend lepas, balik rumah. Buka best dengan family lepastu celebrated Ayah's 58th birthday at Baskin & Robbins. Ayah pernah cakap, dulu masa dia kanak-kanak comel, dia pernah tengok Baskin & Robbins dalam tv and nampak sedap sangat. And he thought to himself, mesti sampai bila-bila pun dia takkan dapat rasa eskrem (read: ice-cream) enak yang berkaler-kaler comel tu. So sad ok cerita ayah tu! :( Haa, ambik kau. sekarang dapat kek besar gajah! Kalah budak kecik celebrate umur 6 tahun. TAPI SEDIH LA BILA INGAT BALIK PASAL BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION NI! MEMORY CARD HP ROSAK, SEMUA GAMBAR COMEL AYAH DAN LITTLE PRINCESS BABYGIRL (ME) HILANGGGGG!!! Erghhhh! NAK GAMBAR COMELLLL! NAKKKK! NAKKK! NAKK! *and it goes on*
Tapi takpe, memori kekal di hati dan fikiran. Banyak bersabar, kan ni bulan puasa?
Omg. sahur dekat rumah sangat best! I have a wonderful mom yang hobinya adalah memasak dan membuat kek dan kuih. So, kami anak-anak dan si suami sangat lah teramat lucky to have her in our lives. Sebab kami lah her very own food critics! Jadi, memasak pada waktu sahur and buka adalah no sweat bagi Mak saya. Kami pun, seronok je la makan je kerja. (sebab tu lah badan saya terlebih sihat, don't ask) So yeah, bertuah betul siapa yang boleh menyambut bulan Ramadhan dengan family. I envy youuuuu... I dapat buka and sahur sekali je dengan family! Nak nangis :( Tapi takpe, abang pernah cakap, "it's part and parcel of growing up".

Haih, hectic sangat minggu lepas. Assignments submission, tests, quizzes, presentations and the list goes on. Ni belum masuk degree lagi ni, tapi dah busy macam mak aii (tak boleh mencarut). Macam mana lah degree nanti kan?  


Qayyum, Zee and I play this slap game. well, it works like this, any one of us yang mencarut masa sedang menjalankan ibadah puasa, akan ditampar oleh the other two. And, kalau I mencarut, tapi they don't realize it and don't tampar me, I'll have the power to slap them on the ground of tidak melaksanakan tanggungjawab. How cool is that? Try it with your close friends only. I repeat, close friends only. Let me bold it. CLOSE FRIENDS ONLY. Why? Sebab kalau sesuka hati je tampar random people, tak pasal-pasal beraya dengan muka lebam-lebam nanti.

Ok, selamat berpuasa!

Holiday day 6

Pelik sangat macam mana dulu kita boleh tidur satu katil, mandi sama-sama, kongsi tuala yang sama, makan dari pinggan yang sama, minum dari cawan yang sama. Kongsi semua cerita bersama, menangis sama-sama, ketawa tak ingat dunia bersama. Pelik, kenapa sekarang kita dah tak macam dulu dah.

Tak rindu ke semua benda yang kita buat sama-sama tu dulu?  Tak teringin ke nak kongsi semua cerita bersama? Tak teringat ke semua benda yang kita buat sama-sama? Menari, melompat macam monyet, menyanyi jerit-jerit tak fikir orang lain?

Sedap kan makanan tu kalau kita ramai-ramai berebut? biskut kering cicah teh o pun boleh jadi rebutan. Apam kosong pun jadi sedap kalau kita makan ramai-ramai. Tempat yang sangat bosan pun boleh jadi havoc kalau kita semua ada. Kan?

I miss us, I miss you. I miss the old me. Don't you miss us?

Ni semua salah padang lalang. Ni semua sebab padang lalang jauhkan kita. Padang lalang kecil sangat, bilik sempit and panas. Orang pun jadi panas.

Shit! I haven't touch anything on my assignments yet. WTF is wrong with me? I have to stay home tomorrow and finish up all of my assignments.

Happy Birthday Jue! You've been a great friend for all of these years. Love you. xx

Happy Birthday Zakwan

Zakwan Anuar's surprise birthday party was awesome. Though there were only the 9 of us but it was so meaningful and oh so fun! Birthday Zee dah lama sebenarnya, on the 10th of July but we don't wanna celebrate in Kuantan so we postponed it hence, the party at my house. Qayyum, Lego and I planned out the whole thing. Hebatnya Qayyum masak! Lego pun hebat membantu. me? help around, buat air sirap, (sebelum kamu semua tanya, "eh, kenapa kampung sangat minum sirap dengan western food?" let me tell you this, the birthday boy suka air sirap ok. tu buat air sirap baik punya) basuh pinggan, ambik tupperware. teeheehee. banyak jugak lah kerja tu.

So, the nite before the party yesterday, Qayyum and Lego came to my house and we did some grocery shopping together. Ahh, I dah feeling feeling macam ibu-ibu bawak two retarded sons yang sangat kecoh. We love Tesco sebab rasa macam tengah shopping kat supermarket in USA. perasan sangat, kan?The boys slept over at my house and I felt like I buat sleepover with my girlfriends! We watched romantic movie together while having Oreo with milk, heart to heart talk and meni pedi. The boys are so adorable!

And, the day of the party? All was well! Zee looked so happy and everyone was happy too. We loved the food. My niece Alya had fun too sebab dia dipuji-puji non stop from my friends. Tu terus happy tu. Alololo, you so vain Alya. Thanks to everyone who helped :) And Zee, I hope you like our small token of appreciation on your birthday. I love you so much!

Gambar akan diupdate later ye. Sabar.. :)

holiday day 2

rasa macam nak sepak diri sendiri bila fikir balik semua benda bodoh yang pernah dibuat dulu. Contohnya, sneak out nak pergi lepak tengok World Cup, lepastu kantoi masa tengah bukak pintu pagar. I was caught red-handed man! It was very very scary ok. kalah seram tengok cerita Ju-0n. Till now, bila fikir balik zaman kehijauan, situasi kantoi sneak out tu, masih meremang bulu roma.

*bukak pintu pagar slow-slow, terdengar panggilan suara garau dari tingkap bilik atas*

'NAJWA ARIFAH, COME BACK IN. NOW!'

ya allah ya tuhanku, masa tu. only god knows how I felt. menggigil tangan, berpeluh-peluh, jantung pun takut nak berdegup. Rasa macam nak lari jauh-jauh je masa tu, taknak balik rumah 2746 tahun, sebab takut nak jumpa ayah. WHY WAWA. WHY?

Ok, tu je nak cerita. kantoi sneak out masa umur setahun jagung. tak silap, masa form 3 kot. masa tu,kurang bijak sikit. ADA KE, NAK SNEAK OUT IKUT PAGAR BESAR DEPAN RUMAH?! what the heck. Now, dah meningkat dewasa, boleh keluar dengan hanya meminta izin. Thanks Ayah and Mak for being so understanding and sangat lah sporting. Love you! :D