Come what may

I know that this is going to hurt me,
going to break me,
and going to tear me down into pieces.

I know that this is going to make me cry,
make me regret and,
worse is make me miss him.

I know,
i knew,
i've known this

still, I am here on the verge,
having second thoughts,
doubts.. hasty thoughts,
asking myself,
What If?
How If?

I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't.
This is so wrong. Very much, indeed.

I need to put a full stop in this. I have to.